Crossdressing Mess
by Mint Tangerine
Summary: Only men are allowed in the Guardian Corps? GASP! Lightning's going to change that!
1. Chapter 1

I have always wondered why Lightning was the only female in the guardian corps. I know that Square Enix probably didn't want to take the time to create more female character so I thought what if the Guardian Corps wouldn't allow women to join? I first got the idea when I came across a picture of a male version of Lightning and Fang. They didn't look half bad so why not? May have pairings. Characters may be OOC. If the are then…sorry. My first real fanfic. Hope you like!

P.S: The time line is a bit off. It's before the events in the canon but everyone knows each other. They are still in Cocoon.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Final fantasy characters or ideas. They belong to Square Enix.

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"Hold still!"

"Please, don't cut it. Guys can have long hair right?"

"Um, I don't think so Claire. I mean yeah, I guess you could try and pass as a guy with long hair, but people would begin to suspect you," said Serah as she readied her scissors to cut Lightning's beautiful curls. Before Serah could even get an arms length from her sister, Lightning bolted out of the room, slamming the bathroom door shut. Lightning didn't like many things in life, but the few she did was her hair.

"It'll never grow back the same, Serah. I don't mean to sound vain, but I love my hair," she said proudly.

Serah smiled. "You still sound vain. Don't worry, it'll be fine." Suddenly, Serah's phone began to ring. "Oh I bet it's Snow!" she exclaimed enthusiastically. She began speaking into the phone and began exiting Lightning's bedroom. "I have to go help Snow! You can cut your hair yourself right?"

"I don't think I can, Serah," said Lightning uncharacteristically. Lightning paused. "What did Snow get into this time?"

"Okay, let Fang do it," she said as she ran down the steps and out of the house. _She never explains anything_. Lightning walked over to her nightstand and grabbed the floating phone. She couldn't call Sazh because he was probably busy with Dajh and working at the Chocobo farm in Nautilus. Serah and Snow were out of the question. Hope wasn't to be trusted with sharp objects after almost stabbing Serah while making pancakes. _Why he even needed a knife is beyond me_. Vanille was probably busy doing…whatever she does. Fang was…Fang. But she was the only one who was usually free at this time of day.

"I guess I'll just have to call Fang," Lightning thought aloud.

She pressed on Fang's picture on the invisible screen and waited for her to pick up. Her phone must have been dead or turned off because it went straight to voicemail. She sighed, knowing she would have to do the deed herself. Suddenly she heard a knock on the door.

"Coming!" she yelled somberly as she slowly made her way to the door. The repetitive knocking on the door didn't help her mood._ Probably a stupid door-to-door salesmen_. She opened the door to find none other than Fang at her doorstep.

"Oh, great. What do you want?"

"Why hello to you too, Sunshine!" said Fang. "Here to help with…what ever it is the Great Lightning Farron needs help with."

Lightning sighed. "Fine come in. I need you to cut my hair." She escorted Fang to her floating couch in the living room.

"Cut it? Why?" asked Fang, knowing Lightning adored her hair.

Lightning let out another exasperated sigh. "I want to get into the military, but you know those stupid rules. I'm going to dress as a man to get in."

"Well that's dumb," said Fang joyfully.

Lightning squinted her eyes. "Why is that?"

"It just won't work. Your features are too feminine."

"So? I see the girliest-looking me get into the military," said Lightning nonchalantly. "And besides, what makes you an expert at cross-dressing?"

Fang shuffled nervously. "N-nothing! I just don't want you to get hurt, Light."

"I can handle this myself!"

"Why not I come with you?"

Lightning was puzzled. "What?"

Fang elbowed her. "Come on, Light! You, me, against the Corps!"

"No."

"I know everything there is about cross-dressing. Vanille and I used to do it to get rid of this annoying group of thugs. It worked wonders!"

Lightning thought about it for a while. She tried to picture Vanille in boy clothes but could only envision her in a bikini. Lightning shook her head at the thought. "Fine."

"Okay! So first we need to get some new clothing, White-out, leather gloves, and a butcher knife!"


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you, those who read my story and reviewed it! Love u guys! I reread my previous and saw so many mistakes! I'm okay with it since I did it at around 1 in the morning. Thank you to those who have read this despite my horrible writing skills. I do believe that this one will be better then the first. I actually proofread it this time.

InfiniteLies14: I'm still not sure if I should do any yuri or romance or anything. I put that little part to see how it felt but im not sure. I guess we'll find out later :D

Disclaimer: I don't own nothin'

Lightning found herself inside Bodhum's building of Commerce. It was full of shops varying from grocery stores to armories. The building was enormous; about 25 Snow's tall. It's wide, endless corridor curved and turned. Other walkways connected with the main hallway, creating a never-ending labyrinth. Fang walked beside her. They practically had to hold hands to avoid being swallowed by the ocean of people occupying the building. Lightning hated this place. Sweaty, disgusting people crowded the edifice, making it impossible to breathe and maneuver herself. Fang realized how hard it was to respire too so she began running through the crowd. Her efforts to evade the crowd were futile. Three big men blocked their path. Lightning turned around to try to find another way to get out, but to no avail. The wall of people began closing in on them.

"What do you propose we do?" asked Fang, panic in her voice.

"How am I supposed to know? You're the one who dragged us here. We could have gone to the small farmer's market down the road, but **no**! We just **had** to go to the building of Commerce, didn't we?"

"Stop your nagging and help me think of a plan." As they stayed in their position, waiting for an idea to come, the walls came closer and closer, until they were mere inches away from crushing them.

"I've got it," said Lightning nonchalantly.

"Well what is it? I'm dying over hear, literally."

"Stop over reacting. It's not that bad. All we need to do is get to B&W Outfitters. Just follow me." Lightning began crawling threw the mass' legs. Fang followed suit. They made sure to stand clear of any hairy legs or skirts, not wanting to see anyone's upper legs. They crawled for what seemed like hours until they got to B&W Outfitters.

"Okay…What do we get?"

Fang smiled at Lightning's ignorance of men's fashion. "Come on, Let's go to the men's part of the store." They walked over to a section full of jeans, shoes, various shirts, and other articles of clothing. "Grab whatever you think will fit. Get some that are kind of baggy and over-sized."

Lightning did exactly as Fang told her, not wanting to argue with this kind of topic. "Why do we need to get so much? The Military provides you with apparel. We need to get…dressy clothes for the interview."

"Oh…yeah…right. Then, here!" Fang said as she handed Lightning a white suit with a black shirt and blue tie.

"Isn't that a bit much?"

" 'Course not! Just try it on!" Lightning didn't know why, but she followed Fang's orders and went into the changing room. _I can't believe I'm doing this, but it's for a good cause, right? Women should be allowed in the military!_ Lightning took off her jeans and shirt to put on the suit. She stepped out of the room.

Fang stared at her for a few minutes. "Wow Light! You make a gorgeous man!" Fang said.

"Um…thanks?"

"Okay. Now we need to find something for me to wear." Fang searched around the store. She ended up picking the exact same suit.

"Well aren't you original," snarled Lightning.

"Come on princess. MORE SHOPPING!" said Fang, completely ignoring Lightning's remark.

They walked out of the building, holding dozens of shopping bags. Well, Lightning was holding the all the bags.

"Come on Light! We need to get those other supplies!" said Fang merrily, skipping to their hovercraft.

Lightning sighed. "You're acting like Vanille!"

"Okay so we need the butcher knife, the white-out, and-"

"Why do we need a butcher knife? And white out?" asked Lightning, perplexed.

"You'll see," said Fang mischievously. Lightning loaded the trunk with their clothing and got into the front of the hovercraft.

"Are you coming or what?" yelled Lightning. Fang was busy fixing her sari. _Is she deaf?_ Lightning honked the horn on the hovercraft, causing Fang and many others In the parking lot to jump out of their skin.

Fang covered her ear. "Ah! You crack-baby! What was that for?"

Lightning looked around. "Did you say something Fang?"

The two walked back into the house, satisfied that they had gotten all they needed to pose as men.

"I think my hearing is getting better," yelled Lightning as she set everything on the kitchen table.

Fang went right down to business. "I need your birth certificate."

"Why is that?"

"Just make a copy of it and I'll show you." Not in the mood to argue, Lightning made a copy of her birth certificate and handed it to Fang. "Okay cool. So what do you want your name to be?"

"What?"

Fang sighed. "Your name can't be Claire. It's not masculine."

"Just put Lightning."

"Oh good name, Light!" said Fang sarcastically as she applied the white out and wrote "Lightning" on the certificate.

"So what's your name, Einstein?"

"How about Jeffrey? I've always liked that name."

"Let's just stick with Fang for you," said Lightning.

"Okay whatever. I don't have a birth certificate anyway."

"Oh yeah, forgot. Your Pulsian," said Lightning monotonously.

"Okay so here's the plan!" Fang said as she pulled out a tattered map and list of instructions. "First we need to cut our hair." Lightning furrowed her brows. "Then we go make appointments for the interviews. We have to make sure to have the interviews in a week so that we can get prepared. During the wait, we need to go to public places and act and socialize with other men. Next we wait for our expectants letter and we're in!"

"Won't socializing be dangerous? What if they find out?"

"Don't worry about that, we won't get caught!" said Fang as she grabbed a pair of scissors. "So, who goes first?"


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I have been very busy with my very uneventful life. This is going to be a rather short entry (well I guess all of the chapters are short but what ever). Hope you enjoy :P

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Square Enix blah blah and all that rubbish

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lightning exclaimed as she looked at her once beautiful hair. It was now a pile of pink mess. "Fang! WHAT DID YOU DO?"

"I tried to make it look more… boyish…I guess," said Fang with her usual smirk. "It looks nice."

"Shut it, Fang." She took another long look at her new hair. It was still rather long, ending at the base of her neck, but it no longer had the curls that she loved so much. Her facial expression began to shift from angry to sad to hatred to regret to anger again. After trying to decide how she felt, she glowered in defeat. "What about your hair, peasant?"

"I've got a few screws loose, but I'm a L'cie, same as you," said Fang's smile so wide, Lightning could have sworn it extended beyond her face.

"…Do _NOT_ mention that awful movie we had to star in!"

Fang gasped. "What are you talking about? It was great! Especially those fight scenes!"

Lightning rolled her eyes. "What are _YOU_ talking about? Alice in Wonderland had better fight scenes than that pile of crap."

"You're just jealous because you weren't in it!" Fang turned the side and started to pout.

Lightning blinked. "You're an idiot."

Fang beamed. "You're too kind, Lightie!"

"Whatever," said Lightning, obviously irritated. Suddenly she gave an uncharacteristic smirk. "Let's do you hair next!"

Fang's eyes widened. "What? No. I mean yours I can understand, but mine? No way!"

Lightning pulled a pair of scissors and a rather larger razer from her back pocket. Smiling wildly, she inched closer and closer to Fang.

"Come on Light. Just put those down and we can-AH!" said Fang as Lightning pounced on her. She pinned her arms down with her knees, earned a yelp from Fang. "Get off of me!" Lightning disobeyed. She grabbed Fang's head and tilted it to the side. She inched her face close and closer to Fang's until it was mere centimeters away. Lightning began to conjure a wicked smile. Fang realized that Lightning meant business. She began to squirm and yell, but alas, to no avail.

"Don't worry Fang. I'll be gentle."

Fang's eyes widened the farthest they could go. Lightning raised her scissors dramatically and swooped down for the kill.

"NOOOOOOOO!"

Yeah that was it. Just a filler for the rest of the story I geuss I was a bit bored and tired. hope you like and if you didn't then tell me and stuff. :D


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